Diamonds are a girl's best friend

Carolyn Hax is one of my favorite advice columnists because she's completely no-nonsense and hilarious, and a great writer. I think this whole business of giant rock engagement ring is not just about the engagement ring: it's about the 3-story mansion, the BMWs, the private schools, the Ivy Leagues.

Having grown up in an affluent suburb with parents who struggle with this conflict every day (my dad claims to be very modest but buys a big screen TV and a BMW at his leisure), I'm trying to figure out where I fit on the status-scale. I used to hate on designer clothes/fashionistas/food snobs, but now I'm surrounded by them, and seeing as that I am going to be a doctor, it will only get worse. Carolyn's last sentence will stay with me forever.


Washington Post

Dear Carolyn:

I know I'm a horrible person for admitting this, and feel free to throw flames at me, but I feel inadequate about my engagement ring. My mom never even had one, and I know huge blingy rings are just another product of the Wedding Industrial Complex that I so despise, but I just can't help feeling bad when I see my friends' giant rocks compared with my (very lovely, but smaller) ring. Part of it may be due to the fact that my friends already think my fiance is poor because he has a blue-collar job, even though he makes a decent living. How do I stop feeling jealous of others and putting so much importance on material possessions?

Carolyn writes:

"My friends already think my fiance is poor"! Wow.

Smaller rock, meet the hard place: your conflicted feelings about status. Even if your friends are hateful snobs, this sounds like your insecurity talking -- you gravitate to status-conscious friends, and then profess or parade that you've chosen humble things. Yes? As in, the rock didn't reject you, you rejected the rock?

It's a theory. If it has no merit, then this is probably all just bling envy. Admit you're impressed by opulence and leave it at that.

If the theory does have merit, next question: Is bringing a "blue-collar" fiance into your (apparently) white-collar world another ostentatious rejection of something you secretly value? If so, please make sure you're smitten with the person, not the statement he makes.