Mo' money, mo' problems

I've come to the realization that my greatest fear is to live a shallow life.

It sounds really pretentious of me, but I think hanging out with family during the holidays really gets to me. I have a very hardworking but extremely materialistic extended family. All of my cousins live in these nondescript mansions out in wealthy suburbs, drive German luxury cars, and sport either Louis Vuitton or Burberry purses. My family isn't too much better I guess. My dad drives a Mercedes and I just spent an inexorbitant amount of money on a Prada purse for my mother (it's actually a super nice purse though :) ). But really, I did because my dad asked me to, because my mom deserves it, and because she was feeling inferior to her friends and our family for not having nicer things. Now my mom feels she can't ever use this purse because she doesn't have equally expensive clothing and jewelry to accompany it. And therein lies the problem: Why all the fuss in the first place? Why must we be appraised with the things we own?

And then there are the people who live to find the best bargains. Meaning that anyone who doesn't spend hours shopping for the best deal was cheated and thus, their purchase is worth less than the one bought for 100 bucks cheaper. For me, shopping is a rare and usually arduous endeavor. I don't buy expensive things to begin with, so if I end up spending a little more on a nice thing than I should have, I don't really care because I'm not out to save every penny. The point is, I don't save money on deals. I just save money by not being a big spender. Doesn't that seem logical, that you would save money if you just buy less to begin with? When I buy something, and get told that I should have done this or that to have saved x amount of dollars, it ruins the pleasure of having even made the purchase. And then I want to burn all my cash, cut up my credit cards and wander off to Alaska in search of "something more." Wait. Someone already did that, and now it is a book/Hollywood movie. The irony.

My point is, I don't want my identity to be reduced to what I wear, drive, and live in. Or how much I spent. If I have children, I don't want to have them just because my family wants me to, and then bitch about the financial and social chore of having children (another popular topic of conversation with the cousins). I's like all of them got dealt the unlucky hand of having to start a family and having to live in these expensive houses with big mortgage payments. Really, people?

And to top it all off, one of my cousins had the balls to say to me that I should pursue a different medical specialty that makes more money so I don't end up like my brother. You know what I say to that? Mind your own fucking business. My brother is an amazing person who lives simply and more importantly, contently. He's got all the same comforts that you have at a quarter of the price, and he probably appreciates it more. It's not his fault you feel an inferiority complex and need to puff your feathers, so don't take it out on him or on me. Same thing with my mom, whose friends ask her why she doesn't wear designer clothes. Why can't people just leave us alone? We are the way we are, and I always thought and still think we are plenty happy.

I see a glimpse of the future relationship I will have with my extended family and the prognosis does not look good. I think we are just on very different wavelengths, and ideally, I'd like to stay that way, if it means I don't end up deeply in debt because I'm trying to prove my financial worth to them. I'm priceless, baby :)