Things to get off my chest

So yeah, I really hate venting about myself, but sometimes it feels so damn good, and this way, I don't have to bug anyone close to me about it. So read at your own discretion.

It's been a pretty tough year and a half for me. Obviously nothing compared the atrocities that happen to people on a daily basis, or having a life of "hard knocks." I'm comfortable, my life is stable, and I have a supportive family network. No doubt that I keep that in perspective.

But do you ever wonder why your body might respond better to an amputated leg than a paper cut? Your psychologically and physically go into overdrive for huge traumas...but the little ones usually don't trigger enough of a response and just continue to nag you until one day you're like DAMMIT go away...something to that effect. Basically, I have learned a ton about myself and about other people and I feel a responsibility to impart what little wisdome I've acquired to my invisible public.

For example: I'm not a huge "loyalty" person. I don't believe in the wolf-pack mentality. We were born to think with our heads and not to just go with the majority. Every person has a right to judge for themselves what is right and wrong about others, and how they want to behave. But if you're going to talk shit about someone I don't like to me, don't let me catch you being friendly with them later like you didn't just badmouth them. That's just hypocritical and superficial (saying whatever to anyone so they will like you) and it reflects worse on you than on the person I originally had issues with. It's even worse if I didn't even provoke the badmouthing when I probably had plenty of reason to. Moral of the rant? If you know you want to maintain an even artificially friendly relationship with someone, it's better just to say nothing bad at all. It's not about loyalty. It's about sincerity, to others and more importantly, to yourself.


But somehow that reasoning gets me in trouble. Despite neither joining a wolf pack nor trying to appease everyone, I still managed to make enemies and threaten others and get caught in the crossfire. Or maybe be a source of the crossfire. And I'm not saying I'm a saint, because I'm far from it. But I can't help but wonder what exactly it is I do to drive people away. For one thing, I seem to be a source of constant power struggles. I've always believed in the democratic approach and I usually defer to the majority...but just about every time I've had to make a major decision, someone comes under me and changes it up, making me look like a fool when I'm the last to find out. What's that about? Am I really that unapproachable that people can't just talk to me? Do people just want to be in charge and "can't seem to get rid of Jess the pest?" Or was my ultimate decision so horrible that it has to be completely changed so as to confuse everyone? I could chalk it up to bad luck I guess, bad timing, people wanting things done drastically differently than I...or maybe it's that I'm defensive and take things personally. Guilty as charged. But it's a little hard not to, when it happens constantly. Just rhetorical questions to no one in particular.

Anyway, so those are my dilemmas of the moment. But otherwise I'm perfectly happy. I'm in a good place in my life, and I'll leave it at that. It's just refinement from here on out :)

Happy Thanksgiving! I have much to be thankful for this year in particular.

Dear Architects (An Open Letter)

For personal reasons, I find this article hilarious. I look forward to writing one about doctors in the future, because I'm sure I will fall into the category of obsessed professionals who are married to their jobs and are incapable of thinking or talking about anything else...

...but at least I'll be able to admit it and accept it when my friends will inevitably make fun of me. And then I'll give them free prescriptions for narcotics and antibiotics and they will love me again :)

Annie Choi is a fantastic writer. I wonder if she's done any other stuff like this..

"Once, a long time ago in the days of yore, I had a friend who was studying architecture to become, presumably, an architect.
This friend introduced me to other friends, who were also studying architecture. Then these friends had other friends who were architects - real architects doing real architecture like designing luxury condos that look a lot like glass dildos. And these real architects knew other real architects and now the only people I know are architects. And they all design glass dildos that I will never work or live in and serve only to obstruct my view of New Jersey.

Do not get me wrong, architects. I like you as a person. I think you are nice, smell good most of the time, and I like your glasses. You have crazy hair, and if you are lucky, most of it is on your head. But I do not care about architecture. It is true. This is what I do care about:

* burritos
* hedgehogs
* coffee

As you can see, architecture is not on the list. I believe that architecture falls somewhere between toenail fungus and invasive colonoscopy in the list of things that interest me.

Perhaps if you didn’t talk about it so much, I would be more interested. When you point to a glass cylinder and say proudly, hey my office designed that, I giggle and say it looks like a bong. You turn your head in disgust and shame. You think, obviously she does not understand. What does she know? She is just a writer. She is no architect. She respects vowels, not glass cocks. And then you say now I am designing a lifestyle center, and I ask what is that, and you say it is a place that offers goods and services and retail opportunities and I say you mean like a mall and you say no. It is a lifestyle center. I say it sounds like a mall. I am from the Valley, bitch. I know malls.

Architects, I will not lie, you confuse me. You work sixty, eighty hours a week and yet you are always poor. Why aren’t you buying me a drink? Where is your bounty of riches? Maybe you spent it on merlot. Maybe you spent it on hookers and blow. I cannot be sure. It is a mystery. I will leave that to the scientists to figure out.

Architects love to discuss how much sleep they have gotten. One will say how he was at the studio until five in the morning, only to return again two hours later. Then another will say, oh that is nothing. I haven’t slept in a week. And then another will say, guess what, I have never slept ever. My dear architects, the measure of how hard you’ve worked and how much you’ve accomplished is not related to the number of hours you have not slept. Have you heard of Rem Koolhaas? He is a famous architect. I know this because you tell me he is a famous architect. I hear that Rem Koolhaas is always sleeping. He is, I presume, sleeping right now. And I hear he gets shit done. And I also hear that in a stunning move, he is making a building that looks not like a glass cock, but like a concrete vagina. When you sleep more, you get vagina. You can all take a lesson from Rem Koolhaas.

Life is hard for me, please understand. Architects are an important part of my existence. They call me at eleven at night and say they just got off work, am I hungry? Listen, it is practically midnight. I ate hours ago. So long ago that, in fact, I am hungry again. So yes, I will go. Then I will go and there will be other architects talking about AutoCAD shortcuts and something about electric panels and can you believe that is all I did today, what a drag. I look around the table at the poor, tired, and hungry, and think to myself, I have but only one bullet left in the gun. Who will I choose?

I have a friend who is a doctor. He gives me drugs. I enjoy them. I have a friend who is a lawyer. He helped me sue my landlord. My architect friends have given me nothing. No drugs, no medical advice, and they don’t know how to spell subpoena. One architect friend figured out that my apartment was one hundred and eighty seven square feet. That was nice. Thanks for that.

I suppose one could ask what someone like me brings to architects like yourselves. I bring cheer. I yell at architects when they start talking about architecture. I force them to discuss far more interesting topics, like turkey eggs. Why do we eat chicken eggs, but not turkey eggs? They are bigger. And people really like turkey. See? I am not afraid to ask the tough questions.

So, dear architects, I will stick around, for only a little while. I hope that one day some of you will become doctors and lawyers or will figure out my taxes. And we will laugh at the days when you spent the entire evening talking about some European you’ve never met who designed a building you will never see because you are too busy working on something that will never get built. But even if that day doesn’t arrive, give me a call anyway, I am free.

Yours truly,
Annie Choi"

Nada Surf to put out 5th album

It's always really cool when bands I like collaborate/actually listen to each other. One time Nada Surf cited "Singing in my sleep" by Semisonic as one of their favorite songs, which is one of mine as well...and now Nada Surf is collaborating with Death Cab...also a good combination! I'm stoked for the new album but I'm sad it's not coming out until February, which will be after I see them in November. Still, they tend to frequent the area a lot, will probably be back in the spring to promote their new disc.

It's hard to believe I've pretty much grown up with Nada Surf. Started listening to them when I was 16. Not that I'm much older, but as my music taste has evolved through the years, Nada Surf's stayed with me and always kept me smiling. Not to mention I partied with them in Spain. That was quite memorable..



Press release from their official website
US TOUR TO BEGIN OCTOBER 13

2008 DATES ANNOUNCED

Beloved New York-based band Nada Surf will be releasing their new record, “LUCKY,” on February 5th, 2008 on Barsuk Records, and will be offering fans the opportunity to hear the track "See These Bones" at www.myspace.com/nadasurf starting today.

“LUCKY” is Nada Surf’s fifth record and third for Seattle indie Barsuk Records, following the successful and critically lauded “Let Go” (2003) and “The Weight is a Gift” (2005). The band lineup for almost 12 years has been and still is Matthew Caws (vocals, guitar), Daniel Lorca (bass) and Ira Elliot (drums). The record is filled with songs of restlessness, longing and the elusiveness of love. Yet, in its inimitable way, the band beautifully counterbalances its signature lyrical wistfulness with its singular musical buoyancy. Intimate tunes become we’re-all-in-this-together anthems, thanks to the chiming guitars, propulsive beat, and the ever-present yearning in Caws' voice.

“I tend to be pretty hopeful about things further in the future, but full of anxiety about the next eight hours,” jokes Caws. “Unlike my friend John Flansburgh from They Might Be Giants, who says he's manic depressive without the depression, I think I'm manic depressive without the mania. Yet I'm ready to be cheerful at the drop of a reason. I’m always looking for rapture in music.”

“LUCKY” was co-produced by the band and John Goodmanson (Death Cab For Cutie, Blonde Redhead, Sleater-Kinney). It was recorded in Seattle at Robert Lang Studios where artists like Nirvana, Death Cab for Cutie, Foo Fighters and Dave Matthews, among many others have worked in the past.

Many great artists make guest appearances on the record, including:
Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard, Ed Harcourt, John Roderick of the Long Winters, and guitarist Phil Wandscher of Jesse Sykes & the Sweet Hereafter. To help announce the coming of the new record, Nada Surf is about to embark on a national headlining tour. The dates begin October 13 in Philadelphia and end November 2 in Baltimore. Sea Wolf will be supporting.

Critical acclaim has followed Nada Surf through their career. Most recently, “MOJO” called “The Weight is a Gift” a “21st century pop masterpiece,” while “Esquire” said their “poignant anthems” are “full of airtight melodies and huge twists.” “Rolling Stone,” weighed in, saying:
“The band’s tunes achieve a kind of sleight-of-hand majesty,” while “Alternative Press” exclaimed the record is “nearly flawless.”
“Entertainment Weekly” called it “astoundingly good,” and “USA Today”
said Caws’ lyrics “have both mystery and a universal touch.”

Se, Jie

I just saw Ang Lee's most recent movie "Se, Jie" (Lust, Caution). It is a fascinating story with beautiful cinematography and an awesome score. It stars Tony Leung, who is undoubtedly one of the sexiest Asian actors alive. I should mention, however, that it's rated NC-17 and for good reason. If you have a weak stomach for very explicit sex scenes, this movie is NOT for you. Unfortunately, even with the great cast and compelling plot, the movie disappoints. I'm too tired to write a detailed review about it, and this one sums it up very nicely:

"Like most of Lee's films ("Brokeback Mountain," "Sense and Sensibility," "The Ice Storm"), "Lust, Caution" is impeccably crafted: Rodrigo Prieto's lovely cinematography, Alexandre Desplat's tastefully romantic score, and the gorgeous costumes and decor all delight. But there's a chilliness to the enterprise, and a remoteness, and all the sweaty intensity of the sex scenes can't heat it up or bring us closer to these characters. The film is never less than beautiful, but it's never truly absorbing." -- Shawn Levy

Thriller -The Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehab Center

Real prisoners doing Michael Jackson's Thriller. No joke.

Military juntas at their most despotic moment...or are they?

From U.S. News and World Report

A Bold Call for Democracy. A Reply in Bullets
By Kevin Whitelaw
Posted September 29, 2007

It was being called the Saffron Revolution. Smuggled images of Buddhist monks thronging the streets of ancient Yangon opened a rare, but brief, window into one of the world's more backward and cruel regimes.

For nine days, the world watched as monks in saffron-colored robes led ever growing crowds on marches challenging the military junta that rules Myanmar (known more traditionally as Burma). Thousands were shaking off two decades of fear to join the monks. Myanmar's generals appeared caught off guard and even more unaware of the power of the Internet. Unlike past protests, this one played out very publicly, as photographs, video, and accounts of the protests—and the inevitable repression—blanketed cyberspace and the airwaves.

On the 10th day, the crowds were even larger. But this time, the monks were largely—and eerily—absent. Overnight, the junta's security forces had raided many monasteries, beating and dragging away untold numbers of monks. The generals had returned to their favorite playbook, greeting marchers with batons, tear gas, and bullets.

By Thursday afternoon, the streets of Yangon were littered with blood-spattered sandals left behind by fleeing protesters. At least 10 people were killed, with rumors of many more. The junta was still treading rather carefully with the monks, who have come to embody the nation's conscience. The monks already provide many of the social services that the generals have decided are beneath them—including AIDS clinics, orphanages, and schools.

If history is any guide, it will get even worse for any Burmese who continue to protest. During the last sustained anti-junta protests in 1988, several thousand were killed. And the government's belated move to cut off Internet access and confiscate mobile phones presages greater violence.

With most of the world offering no more than rhetorical condemnation and symbolic sanctions, it appears that the newfound courage of the Burmese people will be rewarded only by bloodshed. In today's Myanmar, happy endings are rare indeed.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
It is so true, that most people, while completely appalled, shocked, and saddened at the events occurring in Burma, just sit on their asses and mentally/verbally advocate our (dis)belief (like I'm doing right now, I'm well aware). And I am completely and utterly disgusted that power-hungry people with lots of weapons manage to treat other human beings this way, particularly Buddhist monks. My father was once imprisoned as a Buddhist student in Vietnam. This could have happened to him, or anyone who has tried to speak out against a repressive authority.

Sadly, this is not the first time that a military junta has taken over a country and massacred a population. Look at the Dirty Wars in Argentina. Or Pol Pot in Cambodia. Or ethnic cleansing in Darfur. This is not a new phenomenon. As the article states, it's not even a new event in Burma. The democratically elected president has been under house arrest for 11 years, and previous protests in Burma ended just as violently. It's just that thanks to Youtube, Facebook, and Google, we are just made aware of it rather instantaneously.

Anyway, despite history unabashedly repeating itself, I refuse to get disillusioned with the world, and I refuse to be apathetic. I believe in karma, and I guess you could say that's why I've decided to go into medicine. For every person that has died brutally and unnecessarily, I will hopefully improve or save a life. Obviously I wouldn't be able to stop military madmen with rational thought, compassion, and a stethoscope. But I could perhaps contribute to a community to provide health care and help instill ideals of compassion, personal liberty, etc. etc.

I guess my point is, ok, maybe all we can do with respect to an actual event like this is mourn for the dead and pray that the problem will get resolved peacefully. But it also pays to look at the way you personally treat people and the way you live your own life. Are you as aware of your own surroundings as you could be? Are you doing the most you can to help out your immediate environment? I think it's actually a trickle-up effect, where democracy and peace must start at the civilian level. And more importantly, we can't have so much amnesia that as soon as the rush of media is gone, we forget and move on. Never forget Las guerras sucias...never forget Pol Pot...never forget Darfur. History inevitably creeps up on us, and if we continue forgetting the past, every time it happens again, we've taken a few steps backward and have to start over with the peace-building process.

Don't mourn for these deaths because they are shocking. Mourn because they are not. Not even remotely.

VSA Officer Intro 2007

I am very proud to say I played a part in creating this group :) Aren't they adorably awesome? Props to Kin for the video filming and editing!