PTSD (Post-College Traumatic Stress Disorder)

1 year later, so much to say.

2011-03-10T16:42:00.001-08:00

How apt that I think to post almost exactly a year later from my last post.

School has been so rough for me, admittedly. I'm not failing classes or rotations, nope, I'm exactly average most of the time. Plus I kind of felt like I didn't find my stride for the first 7 months of rotations. Felt like I wasn't going to find anything that lit a spark in me, that I was just going to graduate med school with an "eh" kinda feeling.

I'm really glad things have turned around. I'm excited about the prospect of pursuing OB/Gyn. I've heard all of the terrible things about it, and I know that I'm condemning myself to being overworked and underpaid. And yet, for some reason, it doesn't bother me right now.

Between reading "Half the Sky" over winter break, and going back over everything I've done volunteer work for in the past, I realize that I really care about women. I care so much for their well being and want to help out the most damned women on the planet. The underage sex workers, the latina victims of domestic abuse, the fistula-ridden rape victims in Africa. It all sounds so bleeding heart idealistic, but then, I feel like I'd be such a sellout if I went through my whole life with all this lip service about helping out these kind of people and then not acting on it at all. Living in the 'burbs, getting married, raising kids, owning a dog. IT's what everyone else is doing, right? But I feel like I've gotta respond to this spark. I know, it's a cliche, they say that if you're not liberal when you're 25, you're a coldhearted son of a bitch, but that if you're liberal when you're 50 you're an idiot. Well I hope to be an idiot for the rest of my life.

I really hope I can make my life work out the way I want it to. The problem is, I want it all. I want to be a humanitarian health worker but I also want to keep up with the Jones' to some degree - be able to make all my kids' school events, be able to attend friends' weddings, baptisms, whatever. At this point though, I care more about finding something I'm passionate about. Something I can "write home" about. Hopefully I'll remember this when I'm a grumpy old obstetrician.

Also, have learned to keep my mouth shut. Yes, I like to talk, I like to opine, I like to be as true to myself in public as in private. But I've realized that there are lecherous people out there who will take you down if you show yourself to be vulnerable. I learned that the hard way. No, I'm not angry at the people who spoke badly of me. I probably deserved it to some extent. No, I'm angry at myself for letting them get to me, for expecting a better experience than I got. While I think speaking out is the only way to change things, my sister has reiterated to me that whistleblowers, while good people, often go down. they go down hard, and they go down alone. And when you have a family and financial burdens to take care of, you can't possibly afford to get blacklisted from your own career.

So I'm committing to changing things when I'm finally in a position to do so. Hopefully residency won't break me to the point that I've forgotten what it was like to be a med student. I can already tell that some of my classmates will be this way. But I hope to be a compassionate teaching physician. I hope to be humble enough to tell a student when I don't know the answer, and I hope to welcome any controversial questions rather than strike them down as "questioning authority." I hope to to encourage the questioning of authority because it's shit like that that makes the world run, it's shit like that that makes people better doctors. If you can't explain the reason for doing something, you better figure it out, or else maybe you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

Anyway, if people just settled for things, women and black people would still be second-class citizens. So maybe one day I'll be able to work in a hospital environment where there is less hierarchy, less fear of insubordination, and more collaboration. Maybe I'll be able to somehow mobilize disgruntled OB/gyns all around to stand up against opportunistic trial lawyers and try to heal the litiginous climate that has ruined healthcare in this country.

Well, one can at least dream, right?

Imogen Heap - "Just For Now"

2010-03-13T20:19:00.001-08:00

wow.

Late-night summer musings

2009-06-25T21:46:00.000-07:00

So Regina Spektor's new album, Far, came out on Tuesday. Even though the album is great, I find myself digging through her old stuff and feeling amazed all over again. I know I've said it before, but when she sings, there is a sense of freedom and peace that I don't think I could ever really achieve. I feel it when I hear it, and who knows? Maybe she has internal struggles that she's able to hide through her music, but I would never know the difference. "Field Below" is the perfect song for people like me, who sometimes feel like they're the last people on earth to be awake, or maybe the first people to wake...but hearing this, they know they're not alone. Also it's perfect for us city-dwellers.

Seriously, maybe it's the summer and mental R&R that I've finally afforded myself, but I'm beginning to feel like I could write music again. I hope that it comes back to me soon. It won't happen overnight, and it won't be perfect, but I've gotten to a place where I'm totally ok with it. It's been a long time since I've been in this high of spirits and confident about my abilities to do things. I feel like I'm learning and growing so much that perhaps I can finally put it to words. I miss being able to express myself like that, but there's hope for me yet! Thanks Regina, as always!

I wish I'd see a field below
I wish I'd hear a rooster crow
But there are none that live downtown
And so the day starts out so slow

Again, the sun was never called
And darkness spreads over the snow
like ancient bruises
I'm awake, I feel the ache

Magic (Ben Folds) - University of Chicago Voices In Your Head

2009-02-22T09:29:00.001-08:00

Another rendition that gives me chills

Sacramento State Jazz Singers - Selfless, Cold and Composed

2009-02-22T09:26:00.001-08:00

Ben Folds held a contest where he picked the best a cappella versions of his songs to record for an album. Awesome idea, and this is one of the better interpretations selected. I hope they make the final cut for the album!

President-Elect Barack Obama on Election Night

2009-01-22T15:06:00.001-08:00

Grant Park, Chicago
November 4th, 2008

Jay-Z - History

2009-01-22T15:04:00.001-08:00

Now that all the smoke is gone,
And the battle's finally won
Victory is finally ours
History, so long so long

1/17/09 Barack Obama BALTIMORE SPEECH PART 2

2009-01-17T21:52:00.001-08:00

1/17/09 Barack Obama BALTIMORE SPEECH PART 1

2009-01-17T21:51:00.001-08:00

Obama Stops in Baltimore

2009-01-17T19:21:00.001-08:00

I was here! Waited in line since 11:30am and stood around until 4:15 when he actually spoke. Yay Baltimore! Yay Obama!

Jamie Cullum - Gran Torino

2009-01-08T16:55:00.001-08:00

This song is the perfect complement to the film. I haven't seen any other major Clint Eastwood movies, but this one was unexpectedly good...totally not what I imagined Clint Eastwood doing. It seems he enjoys doing movies about the underdog. In any case, it's a real gem and, in my opinion, the best underrated movie to come out in 2008 (sure, other then Dark Knight, whatever.)

Audrey Hepburn - Moon River

2008-12-16T19:13:00.001-08:00

Beautiful woman, beautiful song

Iraqi Journalist Throws Shoe at Bush

2008-12-14T19:39:00.001-08:00

Video of the year. Bush has amazing reflexes...one would think he's probably had to dodge several shoes in the past...

Yngwie Malmsteen Acoustic Guitar Solo

2008-12-09T19:33:00.001-08:00

Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me

2008-12-01T15:08:00.001-08:00

Hilariously cute. If anyone can find this rabbit in stuffed animal form, let me know!

Fiona Apple- Waltz (Better Than Fine)

2008-11-25T13:39:00.001-08:00

Summing up my current mood of the day.

If you don't have a song
To sing you're okay
You know how to get along
Humming
Hmmm

If you don't have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
'Cause it's just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore

No I don't believe in the wasting of time,
But I don't believe that I'm wasting mine

If you don't have a point to make
Don't sweat it
You'll make a sharp one being so kind
And I'd sure appreciate it
Everyone else's goal's to get big headed
Why should I follow that beat being that I'm
Better than fine

Sarah Palin's Greatest Hits

2008-11-20T09:18:00.001-08:00

The very best of Sarah Palin. Yes I am contributing to the "media bias" against her, and happily so. And I love that people call it "bias" when the very stupid words are coming out of her mouth unedited.

Honestly, numerous other grievances aside, the biggest one of all has been her garish need to be in the limelight just after the election. She cost the GOP and John McCain quite a bit of their credibility among moderates/independents, and now rather than letting John McCain lose with dignity, she's completely eclipsed him by deliberating the issue of being the GOP candidate for 2012. Silly woman. She should read a few newspapers first!

Diamonds are a girl's best friend

2008-11-20T06:53:00.001-08:00

Carolyn Hax is one of my favorite advice columnists because she's completely no-nonsense and hilarious, and a great writer. I think this whole business of giant rock engagement ring is not just about the engagement ring: it's about the 3-story mansion, the BMWs, the private schools, the Ivy Leagues.

Having grown up in an affluent suburb with parents who struggle with this conflict every day (my dad claims to be very modest but buys a big screen TV and a BMW at his leisure), I'm trying to figure out where I fit on the status-scale. I used to hate on designer clothes/fashionistas/food snobs, but now I'm surrounded by them, and seeing as that I am going to be a doctor, it will only get worse. Carolyn's last sentence will stay with me forever.

Washington Post

Dear Carolyn:

I know I'm a horrible person for admitting this, and feel free to throw flames at me, but I feel inadequate about my engagement ring. My mom never even had one, and I know huge blingy rings are just another product of the Wedding Industrial Complex that I so despise, but I just can't help feeling bad when I see my friends' giant rocks compared with my (very lovely, but smaller) ring. Part of it may be due to the fact that my friends already think my fiance is poor because he has a blue-collar job, even though he makes a decent living. How do I stop feeling jealous of others and putting so much importance on material possessions?

Carolyn writes:

"My friends already think my fiance is poor"! Wow.

Smaller rock, meet the hard place: your conflicted feelings about status. Even if your friends are hateful snobs, this sounds like your insecurity talking -- you gravitate to status-conscious friends, and then profess or parade that you've chosen humble things. Yes? As in, the rock didn't reject you, you rejected the rock?

It's a theory. If it has no merit, then this is probably all just bling envy. Admit you're impressed by opulence and leave it at that.

If the theory does have merit, next question: Is bringing a "blue-collar" fiance into your (apparently) white-collar world another ostentatious rejection of something you secretly value? If so, please make sure you're smitten with the person, not the statement he makes.

Oh Al-Qaeda, why so angry?

2008-11-19T21:55:00.000-08:00

Why are there some unabashedly evil people in the world? Makes me sad. Al-Qaeda will try to find anything to keep the power of their influence alive.

REUTERS

Qaeda scorns Obama with racial slur
Thu Nov 20, 2008 12:13am EST

By Randall Mikkelsen

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Al Qaeda's deputy leader accused Barack Obama of betraying his race and his father's Muslim heritage on Wednesday and urged more attacks, as the group tried to counter the incoming U.S. president's global popularity.

Osama bin Laden's second-in-command Ayman al Zawahri attacked Obama as a "house Negro," a racially-charged term used by 1960s black American Muslim leader Malcolm X to describe black slaves loyal to white masters.

"You represent the direct opposite of honorable black Americans like ... Malcolm X," Zawahri said in an 11-minute recording publicized on the Internet on Wednesday. It was al Qaeda's first high-level commentary on Obama's election on November 4. Bin Laden could also release a message on Obama within the next two weeks or so, one analyst said.

Zawahri criticized Obama's support for Israel and plans to send more U.S. troops to Afghanistan, where he said they were destined to fail. He urged Islamist fighters to keep striking a "criminal" United States until it withdraws from Muslim lands.

The recording was distributed on a videotape that carried pictures of Obama at the Western Wall in Jerusalem and Malcom X, flanking Zawahri in the center.

U.S. officials and analysts, alert for signs of an attack in the period leading up to the transfer of presidential power on January 20, said there was no sign of an imminent threat.

They cast Zawahri's message as an attempt to shift al Qaeda's focus from U.S. President George W. Bush and maintain an enmity against the United States among its supporters.

"They're faced with what is by any accounting a change in this country," said one U.S. counterterrorism official who asked not to be identified.

OBAMA BRINGING CHANGE

"The way they're dealing with the change represented by the election of an African American as president of the United States is to insist that nothing has changed," he said.

Obama's transition office declined to comment.

His election was greeted with broad hope in the Middle East, where U.S. relations with Arabic countries were deeply strained under Bush.

Daniel Benjamin, a counterterrorism official under former President Bill Clinton, said Obama's election on a platform of breaking with Bush policies was a boost to American "soft power," or nonmilitary international influence.

"I think they (al Qaeda) are deeply threatened by the fact there is a new American president and that he has come to office saying he wants to have a more constructive relationship with the one billion Muslims in the world."

Zawahri, he said, "feels like he has a competitor for the hearts and minds."

Zawahri referred to Obama's Kenyan father, who was raised Muslim but became an atheist. Obama is a Christian. "You were born to a Muslim father, but you chose to stand in the ranks of the enemies of the Muslims," Zawahri said.

The Malcolm X reference probably reflects the influence of American-born al Qaeda spokesman Adam Gadahn, believed to be close to Zawahri, said a U.S. terrorism monitor who goes by the pseudonym Laura Mansfield.

Zawahri has employed the "house Negro" insult before, when in 2007 he used it to label Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and her predecessor, Colin Powell, who are both black.

"And in you and in Colin Powell, Rice and your likes, the words of Malcolm X ... concerning 'House Negroes' are confirmed," Zawahri said in the message released on Wednesday.

His spoken remarks could also be translated as "house slaves," but al Qaeda's accompanying English translation, distributed by the IntelCenter Web monitor, used "house Negroes."

Mansfield said it typically takes bin Laden, deep in hiding, longer than Zawahri to produce a statement reacting to events and relay it to an outlet. But it would not be a surprise if he released one soon, she said.

Me fail English! That's un-possible with Barack Obama as President!

2008-11-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

It's been beaten to death, but it's true: America is facing another major culture war: The culture of terror versus the culture of thought. Nicholas Kristof cogently describes this below.

November 9, 2008
Op-Ed Columnist
Obama and the War on Brains
By NICHOLAS D. KRISTOF

Barack Obama’s election is a milestone in more than his pigmentation. The second most remarkable thing about his election is that American voters have just picked a president who is an open, out-of-the-closet, practicing intellectual.

Maybe, just maybe, the result will be a step away from the anti-intellectualism that has long been a strain in American life. Smart and educated leadership is no panacea, but we’ve seen recently that the converse — a White House that scorns expertise and shrugs at nuance — doesn’t get very far either.

We can’t solve our educational challenges when, according to polls, Americans are approximately as likely to believe in flying saucers as in evolution, and when one-fifth of Americans believe that the sun orbits the Earth.

Almost half of young Americans said in a 2006 poll that it was not necessary to know the locations of countries where important news was made. That must be a relief to Sarah Palin, who, according to Fox News, didn’t realize that Africa was a continent rather than a country.

Perhaps John Kennedy was the last president who was unapologetic about his intellect and about luring the best minds to his cabinet. More recently, we’ve had some smart and well-educated presidents who scrambled to hide it. Richard Nixon was a self-loathing intellectual, and Bill Clinton camouflaged a fulgent brain behind folksy Arkansas aphorisms about hogs.

As for President Bush, he adopted anti-intellectualism as administration policy, repeatedly rejecting expertise (from Middle East experts, climate scientists and reproductive health specialists). Mr. Bush is smart in the sense of remembering facts and faces, yet I can’t think of anybody I’ve ever interviewed who appeared so uninterested in ideas.

At least since Adlai Stevenson’s campaigns for the presidency in the 1950s, it’s been a disadvantage in American politics to seem too learned. Thoughtfulness is portrayed as wimpishness, and careful deliberation is for sissies. The social critic William Burroughs once bluntly declared that “intellectuals are deviants in the U.S.”

(It doesn’t help that intellectuals are often as full of themselves as of ideas. After one of Stevenson’s high-brow speeches, an admirer yelled out something like, You’ll have the vote of every thinking American! Stevenson is said to have shouted back: That’s not enough. I need a majority!)

Yet times may be changing. How else do we explain the election in 2008 of an Ivy League-educated law professor who has favorite philosophers and poets?

Granted, Mr. Obama may have been protected from accusations of excessive intelligence by his race. That distracted everyone, and as a black man he didn’t fit the stereotype of a pointy-head ivory tower elitist. But it may also be that President Bush has discredited superficiality.

An intellectual is a person interested in ideas and comfortable with complexity. Intellectuals read the classics, even when no one is looking, because they appreciate the lessons of Sophocles and Shakespeare that the world abounds in uncertainties and contradictions, and — President Bush, lend me your ears — that leaders self-destruct when they become too rigid and too intoxicated with the fumes of moral clarity.

(Intellectuals are for real. In contrast, a pedant is a supercilious show-off who drops references to Sophocles and masks his shallowness by using words like “fulgent” and “supercilious.”)

Mr. Obama, unlike most politicians near a microphone, exults in complexity. He doesn’t condescend or oversimplify nearly as much as politicians often do, and he speaks in paragraphs rather than sound bites. Global Language Monitor, which follows linguistic issues, reports that in the final debate, Mr. Obama spoke at a ninth-grade reading level, while John McCain spoke at a seventh-grade level.

As Mr. Obama prepares to take office, I wish I could say that smart people have a great record in power. They don’t. Just think of Emperor Nero, who was one of the most intellectual of ancient rulers — and who also killed his brother, his mother and his pregnant wife; then castrated and married a slave boy who resembled his wife; probably set fire to Rome; and turned Christians into human torches to light his gardens.

James Garfield could simultaneously write Greek with one hand and Latin with the other, Thomas Jefferson was a dazzling scholar and inventor, and John Adams typically carried a book of poetry. Yet all were outclassed by George Washington, who was among the least intellectual of our early presidents.

Yet as Mr. Obama goes to Washington, I’m hopeful that his fertile mind will set a new tone for our country. Maybe someday soon our leaders no longer will have to shuffle in shame when they’re caught with brains in their heads.

Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States of America

2008-11-04T22:15:00.000-08:00

The following article (directly lifted from the New York Times, I am not trying to plagiarize!) sums up perfectly everything I have been feeling about this whole election. It talks about how Obama was such an unlikely but qualified candidate that had the right generation and circumstances behind him, the fatal flaws of the other candidates that led to their downfall, and most of all, the fact that Obama (and all of us) have much work to do to improve our country's embattled condition.

In Obama's acceptance speech, I felt that it was the first time I really heard OBAMA speaking, not his campaign advisors. It's not that I think Obama was a sham for the campaign, but it is true that you have to put on a game face, and that means some rhetoric. But I think Obama's promise to try to serve America in the most holistic and logical way is sincere, even if it gets dolled up in different packages to help appeal to multiple audiences. And the man is fucking eloquent.

I think my favorite line is when he said "I will listen to you, especially if we disagree." It shows that he is open and willing to grow. But it is evident that he has the strength of logic, reason, and a background in the law to guide him, so any decisions he makes will be well-informed and well-deliberated. That's what I voted for and that is what I have faith will occur. We shall see in January!

And now, the article:

The New York Times
November 5, 2008
Editorial

The Next President

This is one of those moments in history when it is worth pausing to reflect on the basic facts:

An American with the name Barack Hussein Obama, the son of a white woman and a black man he barely knew, raised by his grandparents far outside the stream of American power and wealth, has been elected the 44th president of the United States.

Showing extraordinary focus and quiet certainty, Mr. Obama swept away one political presumption after another to defeat first Hillary Clinton, who wanted to be president so badly that she lost her bearings, and then John McCain, who forsook his principles for a campaign built on anger and fear.

His triumph was decisive and sweeping, because he saw what is wrong with this country: the utter failure of government to protect its citizens. He offered a government that does not try to solve every problem but will do those things beyond the power of individual citizens: to regulate the economy fairly, keep the air clean and the food safe, ensure that the sick have access to health care, and educate children to compete in a globalized world.

Mr. Obama spoke candidly of the failure of Republican economic policies that promised to lift all Americans but left so many millions far behind. He committed himself to ending a bloody and pointless war. He promised to restore Americans’ civil liberties and their tattered reputation around the world.

With a message of hope and competence, he drew in legions of voters who had been disengaged and voiceless. The scenes Tuesday night of young men and women, black and white, weeping and cheering in Chicago and New York and in Atlanta’s storied Ebenezer Baptist Church were powerful and deeply moving.

Mr. Obama inherits a terrible legacy. The nation is embroiled in two wars — one of necessity in Afghanistan and one of folly in Iraq. Mr. Obama’s challenge will be to manage an orderly withdrawal from Iraq without igniting new conflicts so the Pentagon can focus its resources on the real front in the war on terror, Afghanistan.

The campaign began with the war as its central focus. By Election Day, Americans were deeply anguished about their futures and the government’s failure to prevent an economic collapse fed by greed and an orgy of deregulation. Mr. Obama will have to move quickly to impose control, coherence, transparency and fairness on the Bush administration’s jumbled bailout plan.

His administration will also have to identify all of the ways that Americans’ basic rights and fundamental values have been violated and rein that dark work back in. Climate change is a global threat, and after years of denial and inaction, this country must take the lead on addressing it. The nation must develop new, cleaner energy technologies, to reduce greenhouse gases and its dependence on foreign oil.

Mr. Obama also will have to rally sensible people to come up with immigration reform consistent with the values of a nation built by immigrants and refugees.

There are many other urgent problems that must be addressed. Tens of millions of Americans lack health insurance, including some of the country’s most vulnerable citizens — children of the working poor. Other Americans can barely pay for their insurance or are in danger of losing it along with their jobs. They must be protected.

Mr. Obama will now need the support of all Americans. Mr. McCain made an elegant concession speech Tuesday night in which he called on his followers not just to honor the vote, but to stand behind Mr. Obama. After a nasty, dispiriting campaign, he seemed on that stage to be the senator we long respected for his service to this country and his willingness to compromise.

That is a start. The nation’s many challenges are beyond the reach of any one man, or any one political party.

Jesse Jackson Apologizes for Open Mic Slight Against Obama

2008-07-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

This whole incident pisses me off.

First of all...if you have a microphone strapped to your chest...assume it is on. Always.

The complete quote is paraphrased according to the captions on the O'Reilley Factor:

"Barack Obama is talking down to black people...I wanna cut his nuts off"

I can completely understand Jesse Jackson's frustration with wanting Obama to be more attentive to the African-American community. Jesse Jackson is a leader in the African-American community, so he should be an advocate on its behalf. But the fact is, Barack Obama is no longer just a community leader. He is running for the President of the United States, one of the most daunting and powerful jobs there is. He has to appeal to as much of the American demographic as possible. It's not that he is neglecting black people...it's that there are even MORE pressing problems that he needs to address that apply to a more generalized population - the war, the economy, national security, blah blah blah...let the man get elected first before you start banging on his door! If Jesse Jackson wants Barack Obama to be able to live up to his promise of helping the black community, he needs to be supporting him unequivocally so that Obama can even have a chance at this race.

And as far as Obama pulling Bill Cosby-like comments against the black community...let us not forget that Obama grew up with a single mother, so he probably has a soft spot for the plight of single parents. How is it bad that he is trying to advocate for two-parent households and general personal responsibility? Yes, there ARE societal and racial issues that plague poorer communities that ultimately result in these broken families. But at this moment in his campaign, there isn't much else that Obama can do except advocate, advocate, advocate, and try to be a positive influence. I guess Jackson's beef with that is that Obama talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk. All I'll say to that is, at least Obama didn't have a love-child!

I do think Jesse Jackson has immense resentment for Obama...he too tried to seek the presidential nomination. But Obama is a wholly different candidate than Jackson, so the comparison isn't even there.

There are conspiracy theorists who think that the whole incident was a ploy by Fox News to make Obama look even worse for black voters. I wouldn't have put it past them...the whole thing seemed too perfect, that Jackson happened to say a loaded comment when they left the mic on. But if that is the case, then I have absolutely no respect for Jesse Jackson. Way to take us backward 10 steps just because you wanted 15 minutes of fame.

Coldplay - Violet Hill (live in Amsterdam)

2008-07-06T17:28:00.001-07:00

Probably my favorite song off the new album

Coldplay - Viva La Vida (live in Amsterdam)

2008-07-06T17:25:00.001-07:00

I am so spiteful toward Coldplay for totally selling out and going on iTunes ads like U2...but this song is infectious!

WALL•E Teaser Trailer

2008-07-05T21:53:00.001-07:00

Best. Movie. Ever.

MGMT - Electric Feel

2008-06-30T20:01:00.001-07:00

I love www.hypem.com ... what a great way to discover new music. It's just a little overwhelming because they seem to update it every hour!

Anyway, I really liked this song, and the rest of the album is decent. They are coming to my area in July...hm...

Anjelah Johnson - Nail Salon

2008-04-17T23:50:00.001-07:00

Ah...all Viets are proud/slightly embarrassed about this one.

Kaki King - Bone Chaos in the Castle

2008-04-14T13:07:00.001-07:00

Awesome.

Kaki King - Fashion Tattoo (Bubonics cover)

2008-04-13T21:51:00.001-07:00

Kaki King's version of a German metal band's song. You think she's so soft...and then you hear her rock out. So cool.

Nada Surf - Je t'attendais

2008-04-13T09:28:00.001-07:00

It really sucks to be a Nada Surf fan in the U.S. They are infinitely more popular in Europe, so they release a lot of bonus tracks on the European version of their albums. I had no idea this existed. But yes...showing off their multilingualism. Yo espero a que hagan una cancion en espanol!!

Je T'attendais

Je t'attendais
Dans les loges chez des amis,
Je t'attendais dans la rue et dans la nuit
Je t'attendais
T'es bien ici

Les années que j'ai gaspillé
Je m'inquiétais
A la fin, tu m'as trouvé et rassuré
Dans les loges chez des amis
Je t'attendais
dans la rue et dans la nuit
je t'attendais

comme une île
quand même bien
mais à moitié endormi
j'ai reconnu mon destin
je formulais une vie
les années réinventées
tu as un tel effet
tu ne dois pas oublier
t'és ma sorcière et ma fée

Je t'attendais
Dans la rue chez des amis,
Je t'attendais
dans les loges et dans la nuit
ensorcelé
T'es bien ici, t'es bien ici

comme une île
quand même bien
mais à moitié endormi
j'ai reconnu mon destin
je dirigeais ma vie
mais ton visage près du mien
ça, ça me donne envie
les années réinventées
tu as un tel effet
tu ne dois pas oublier
t'és ma sorcière et ma fée

Kaki King - Playing With Pink Noise Video

2008-04-13T08:16:00.001-07:00

So I went to my 5th Nada Surf concert yesterday. So far every single one of their shows has sold out. I'm so happy for them, and naturally they put on an amazing show!

Kaki King was their 2nd opening act and my god ,she has sick chops! Unfortunately none of her recorded stuff really does justice to her live performances, but if you get a chance to see her live, you must. She does sing too, but again I don't think any of her other songs really show her wicked guitar skills.

As for Nada Surf...what can I say? I got to party with them in Spain, so this time I hung out on the balcony to take in their performance without having to compete with tall people. Their setlist was more or less the following:
Proximity Effect - 80 windows

Let go - Blizzard of '77, Blonde on Blonde, Inside of Love, Killian's Red, Fruit Fly

Weight is a Gift - What is your secret, Blankest Year, Always Love

Lucky - See these bones, Beautiful Beat, Whose Authority, The Fox, Ice on the Wing, Weightless, I like what you say

Matthew did a funny bit where he wore a fox hat for "The Fox," for which he confirmed my suspicions that it is a rant against Fox News.
All in all, a very comprehensive overview of all of their best stuff. I really wish they'd played Your Legs Grow, or something else from Proximity Effect...but I can't be too hard on them :) It didn't even seem like a concert to promote their new album but just to be like "hey, this is who we are," as if introducing themselves to the crowd. And imagine my shock when they said "This song is from the Proximity Effect" and I was one of 5 people who cheered. Ah and when Ira was setting up his drums I was the only one who recognized him...seemed like everyone else thought he was just a techie. I was not happy with the crowd either. It was sort of like being at a frat's reunion...by that I mean people who definitely looked like they were out of college but wanted to party like they were still there. Some obnoxious people booed Kaki King even though she was awesome. And oh my god, who does the lighter and the bullhorns at rock concerts anymore?? Are we at a Kiss concert in 1980??

And get this - we were standing next to a 10-year old and her mother,and both looked absolutely miserable and they left early. We could not figure out why they were even there. Maybe the girl couldn't get tickets to Hannah Montana so she settled for some random concert. Who knows. But it's totally inappropriate to bring a kid like that to a rock concert, I'm sorry, parents shouldn't be so naive.

But aside from the annoying people, Nada Surf was wonderful as always. I will say Daniel looked a little aloof the entire night. He barely did backup vocals and didn't talk much to the crowd, which is strange. But I'm probably just overanalyzing and he was probably just baked out of his mind :)

Matthew also said a little schpiel about how April 19th is Record store day, and that people should continue to support record stores that are starting to close down. I wholly agree! Everyone is against buying CDs now because it's so easy to download, and it's more modern, and it "fights the evil record label corporation..." but as with anything, decreased profit affects the lowest on the food chain first...which are the local record stores. To quote Matthew, "when you're 13 and 14, you dream in a record store. You can't dream the same way in front of a computer screen." Thanks for always keeping it in perspective!

Animals - The House Of The Rising Sun

2008-04-01T19:05:00.001-07:00

One of the first songs I learned on guitar....it is amazing! And the lead singer is unconventionally handsome. Maybe it's that come-hither look that is so enticing!

America's Best Dance Crew Episode 1 Performances

2008-03-31T12:15:00.001-07:00

This is a pretty cool recap of the whole season. Hope it won't get taken down too soon!

JabbaWockeez on America's Best Dance Crew

2008-03-31T12:10:00.001-07:00

jabbawokeez - live audition

2008-03-31T12:09:00.001-07:00

Their first appearance on ABDC

Jabbawockeez part 2 final round miami guinness record

2008-03-31T12:07:00.001-07:00

More Jabba...they've been around long before America's Best Dance crew, obviously..or they wouldn't have been that good :) But it's weird to see so many more of them!

Jabbawockeez Master compilation Ep1-Ep8 Final

2008-03-31T11:48:00.001-07:00

Let's see how long this stays up...

Revolution is a funny thing...

2008-03-26T19:56:00.000-07:00

To what extent is "revolution" good? I realize that's a very loaded question, and I don't attempt to answer it discretely. I suppose in the wake of Castro stepping down from Cuba and my family's history with Vietnam, and of course with the war in Iraq, along with several lectures I've had on Latin American history, I've come to question the intentions and repercussions of all these political conflicts. And to what extent do we support revolutions hypothetically, until they affect us personally in a negative way? It's easy to say you want democracy and equality in an essay or over coffee. But how much would you sacrifice to attain it for your country?

For example: My great aunt is sick, so my great uncle is visiting. My parents have repeatedly commented about how my great aunt and uncle used to be extremely wealthy "before 1975." Then afterwards, they lost everything. A sad but common tale for many refugees. But when we look back on Vietnam from an objective, historical perspective, some would argue that the revolution finally ousted years of French occupation, which also helped attain Vietnamese sovereignty (albeit under Communist rule). Politics aside, what I mean to say is that behind all the rhetoric and the policy are innocent people who get caught in the crossfire. If the people are theoretically who we are fighting for, then what are we really accomplishing? Sure, the Communists freed Vietnam from the French, but they also sent hundreds of thousands either fleeing for their lives or to re-education camps. Diem's government and the Americans were also to blame as well for religious repression, corruption, the My Lai massacre, etc.

I think Vietnam is in a much better place now. It is on the rise economically, it is developing exponentially, and it isn't regarded as the political pariah that Cuba is, or the money-mongering, corner-cutting, human-violating mess that China is. Considering Vietnam's high profile for its war with the U.S., the two countries are surprisingly friendly. And I think my great aunt and uncle were still able to make very wonderful lives for themselves despite losing all they had. But some people weren't so lucky, going from high government positions to janitorial services. Others simply died at sea or were killed in re-education camps. Including some of my own family members. So, even though Vietnam was politically "freed" of European colonialists, with all these casualties and displacements, can we really say that it was all worth it? As a young Vietnamese-American who had the privilege of being born here as a result of my parents' escape, I can say yes. But what about my great aunt and uncle? What about my cousins who lost their father and brother in a boating accident? It must be more bittersweet.

I don't even know how my grandparents' and parents' generation would define the word "freedom." I think they have the harsh reality that freedom is not free, and gaining freedom in one aspect of your life almost guarantees your relinquishing it in another. My guess is they are glad to be here in America. They most likely would have been killed, had they stayed. I can't help but wonder if it will ever happen to me. I've been spoiled here. But will it last? And how would I handle it?

Need I even start on Iraq? We got in because of completely fabricated evidence. Though the death toll in Iraq over 5 years is only equivalent to 3 days of battle during WWII, our country is broke, at odds with the whole world, and our president is STILL IN DENIAL. And for me at least, this is no longer hypothetical. My sister's husband is an Air Force JAG, and was recently promoted to Major. So he accepted the promotion, signed on to 4 more years of service and accepted a signing bonus that ensures he will be deployed. If deployed to Iraq, he will be done anywhere from 6 months to a year. Yeah, it sucks.

Even though I'm not running for my life, this war has come to my doorstep. I've never believed in this war. But if I did, what would I be thinking right now? There are people who supported Iraq at the beginning, got deployed there, and still do. Would you be unpatriotic/hypocritical for having a change of heart? Or is it that you just finally had a reality check that actually made you question your own values and needs? Did my aunt and uncle really believe in the war as they were running and watching their houses go up in flames? My guess is they were just trying to get out of there alive. But now that they have time to think...I guess I really do just wonder what they are thinking.

JabbaWockeeZ - America's Best Dance Crew Episode 5

2008-03-12T15:01:00.001-07:00

Dancing to: PYT - Michael Jackson

I usually hate these types of reality shows, but I have to admit, they are extremely talented and entertaining! Plus I think it's really awesome that the top two groups of the competition are both Asian groups. Power to our people! :)

Glen Hansard Marketa Irglova - Oscars 2008

2008-02-24T22:28:00.001-08:00

Yay for them!!! Considering all the other choices sucked royally, I would have been so pissed if they didn't win. Plus props to the TV producers for letting Marteka Irglova back on...I'd be pissed if I won an Oscar and didn't even get to have my 30 seconds of glory!

Photos from Madrid, Christmas 2006

2008-01-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

It's been a year, so I think it's high time I finally uploaded some pictures from my trip. I was going to take the original prints out of their mats and scan them again for better quality, but what the hell. I am lazy, and the scans turned out ok. Plus I spent way too much time on those damn mats.

Anyway, I never really narrated my trip back to Madrid in 2006 online, so here goes: I decided I would attempt the San Silvestre 10k, an annual race held on New Year's Eve that runs through the heart of Madrid. A whole portion of the city is closed off to about 20,000 runners. There are bands set up at major intersections to keep up group morale, the streets are lit up...it's a very exciting event and a great way to kick off the new year. I finished the race in 1:05...which is on the slower side admittedly, but honestly I'm not a runner. I'm more about quick movements and hand-eye coordination than endurance. But I'm happy I even finished, and had I trained harder I could probably shave it down to a solid hour.

These are pics taken in the days prior to the race, when I flew in over Christmas and spent the holidays with Antonio's family.

Roasted chestnut stand

Kids playing in streamers blowing up from a street vent on the Plaza Mayor

The Plaza Mayor at night

Vendor on Plaza Mayor selling Christmas lights

Paseo del Prado, the street that runs past the world-renowned Prado Museum. This is a souvenir picture since this street will be torn up soon :(

No quiero una vida siempre con subtítulos

2008-01-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

Me siento que se me está escapando el español. Hace mucho que no lo he hablado en voz alta con nadie. No es culpa de nadie, lo juro! Es que últimamente no me he encontrado con ningún hispanohablante. Entonces la oportunidad para hablar viene con menos frecuencia. Así que intentaré escribir mis pensamientos en español de vez en cuando para poder retenerlo.

No es una lista de resoluciones exactamente, pero sin querer me ha salido así.

Es un poco cursi y cliché, pero cuando reflejo sobre los últimos años de mi vida desde el comienzo de la uni, estoy alucinada con los cambios. La gente con quien me identifico, mis interéses, mis prioridades...me gustaría pensar que se han mejorado y que me quedan mejor que entonces. Me gustaría pensar que he madurado, que ya no me preocupo de las tonterías de la juventud. Quiero pensar que estoy más segura en yo misma y que he tomado algunos pasos adelante.

Pero por otro lado, me siento igual al "yo" de los años adolescentes. Que aunque me encuentro con mucha gente nueva, tengo las mismas inseguridades y los mismos problemas. Cuando me enfado, tengo siempre la misma angustia, da igual el tema. Como es que uno cambia? Me hace cuestionar si la gente verdaderamente es capaz de cambiar del carácter. A veces pienso que no. Que después de una epoca en la vida (y que es sorprendamente pronto), somos fijos. Que aunque algun día seré una profesional, una adulta, una madre, una esposa...me acostaré cada noche con el alma de una niña asustada.

Es frustrante. Quiero ser mas fuerte y no darme vueltas sobre cualquiera cosa. Quiero no disgustarme cuando una amiga en que confío me decepciona. Cuando pierdo algo o alguien, quiero no echarlo de menos tanto. Quiero no darme palizas o pensar que me he fallado con todo. Sé que la vida tiene muchos obstáculos que extienden mas allá del mundo en que vivo ahora, y necesito estar más preparada para ellos. La gente piensa que tengo todo bien manejado. Es cierto que tenía privilegios y suertes que me han apoyado, y por eso he tenido éxito. Eso lo reconozco, y lo agradezco. Pero la verdad es que con cada paso más, me entran unas olas de angustia que a veces me ahogan. He visto la película "The Kite Runner" (también una novela preciosa) en la cual el protagonista sufre un golpe de conciencia terrible. El cuento le muestra como una persona fea, pero me he identificado con él porque a veces yo me siento fea también. Aunque no he sido tan cobarde como él, pienso, puedo entender ese sentido de auto-tortura. Es irónico, pero cuando era niña, era mas valiente. Pensaba que era invincible y que era perfecta. Ahora me siento mas niña que nunca. Y si no la aguanto?

Charlie Brown Christmas - Performed by the Cast of Scrubs

2007-12-30T23:25:00.001-08:00

Hahaha god I love this show.

HAHAHAHA

2007-12-23T23:54:00.001-08:00

I recently decided to look up old shows I used to watch when I was younger. The Babysitters' club was not really one of them, though I did read the books, but it came up as a search result. Zach Braff in the Babysitters' club, this is too much to pass up. Even he can sound like a bad actor with a shitty-ass script!

Mo' money, mo' problems

2007-12-23T22:02:00.001-08:00

I've come to the realization that my greatest fear is to live a shallow life.

It sounds really pretentious of me, but I think hanging out with family during the holidays really gets to me. I have a very hardworking but extremely materialistic extended family. All of my cousins live in these nondescript mansions out in wealthy suburbs, drive German luxury cars, and sport either Louis Vuitton or Burberry purses. My family isn't too much better I guess. My dad drives a Mercedes and I just spent an inexorbitant amount of money on a Prada purse for my mother (it's actually a super nice purse though :) ). But really, I did because my dad asked me to, because my mom deserves it, and because she was feeling inferior to her friends and our family for not having nicer things. Now my mom feels she can't ever use this purse because she doesn't have equally expensive clothing and jewelry to accompany it. And therein lies the problem: Why all the fuss in the first place? Why must we be appraised with the things we own?

And then there are the people who live to find the best bargains. Meaning that anyone who doesn't spend hours shopping for the best deal was cheated and thus, their purchase is worth less than the one bought for 100 bucks cheaper. For me, shopping is a rare and usually arduous endeavor. I don't buy expensive things to begin with, so if I end up spending a little more on a nice thing than I should have, I don't really care because I'm not out to save every penny. The point is, I don't save money on deals. I just save money by not being a big spender. Doesn't that seem logical, that you would save money if you just buy less to begin with? When I buy something, and get told that I should have done this or that to have saved x amount of dollars, it ruins the pleasure of having even made the purchase. And then I want to burn all my cash, cut up my credit cards and wander off to Alaska in search of "something more." Wait. Someone already did that, and now it is a book/Hollywood movie. The irony.

My point is, I don't want my identity to be reduced to what I wear, drive, and live in. Or how much I spent. If I have children, I don't want to have them just because my family wants me to, and then bitch about the financial and social chore of having children (another popular topic of conversation with the cousins). I's like all of them got dealt the unlucky hand of having to start a family and having to live in these expensive houses with big mortgage payments. Really, people?

And to top it all off, one of my cousins had the balls to say to me that I should pursue a different medical specialty that makes more money so I don't end up like my brother. You know what I say to that? Mind your own fucking business. My brother is an amazing person who lives simply and more importantly, contently. He's got all the same comforts that you have at a quarter of the price, and he probably appreciates it more. It's not his fault you feel an inferiority complex and need to puff your feathers, so don't take it out on him or on me. Same thing with my mom, whose friends ask her why she doesn't wear designer clothes. Why can't people just leave us alone? We are the way we are, and I always thought and still think we are plenty happy.

I see a glimpse of the future relationship I will have with my extended family and the prognosis does not look good. I think we are just on very different wavelengths, and ideally, I'd like to stay that way, if it means I don't end up deeply in debt because I'm trying to prove my financial worth to them. I'm priceless, baby :)

BULBOUS BOUFFANT - The Vestibules

2007-12-20T12:44:00.001-08:00

Oh god I totally forgot about this skit. Amazing.

Regina Spektor - One More Time with Feeling

2007-12-15T21:02:00.001-08:00

Regina Spektor - Ain't no cover

2007-12-14T19:32:00.001-08:00

First song I ever heard live from Regina. Kick-ass.

Regina Spektor - A lesson in how fleeting preservation is

2007-12-14T19:30:00.001-08:00

I totally forgot about this song but she did perform it at Ram's Head

Regina Spektor - Small Town Moon

2007-12-14T19:26:00.001-08:00

They won't stop! Ahhh

Regina Spektor - 8th Floor

2007-12-14T19:25:00.001-08:00

Apparently this is the only circulating recording of this song anywhere on the internet. I bet the person who did this video would have taken care to do it better if he/she knew that would be the case! :)

Regina Spektor - The Wallet

2007-12-14T19:24:00.001-08:00

At this point I'm just archiving all these random songs so I don't forget :)

Regina - Blue Lips

2007-12-14T19:22:00.001-08:00

Argh WHY have I never heard this song before?? I love that she doesn't perform carbon copies of all the songs from her albums, but man I keep discovering random new songs that don't seem to be anywehre

Regina Spektor - Human of the Year

2007-12-14T19:15:00.001-08:00

I love the part that starts "Hallelujah..." Sends chills down my spine.

The Devil is spelled I-n-t-e-r-n-e-t

2007-12-11T21:39:00.000-08:00

My sister and I had a long talk about cyberspace and the effect it has had on society. It's amazing how big and powerful people feel when they have virtually (hah, pun intended) no one to answer to. People slander each other in the worst of ways, simply because they can, because there are no real consequences. I know of one particular person who marched to the front door of someone who trashed her on the internet...but a) she's psycho in many other ways, and b) for the most part, if you see something bad written about you, what can you really do about it, short of something illegal that will put you in jail or on a black list? You sulk about it, and move on.

Plus, the internet makes people narcissists and stalkers. Facebook and blogging make it so that we must all be intimately involved with the details of each other's lives without even really interacting. Talk about a major shift in the social scene. I can think of quite a handful of people that I know plenty about - their career goals, their relationship status, who they partied with last Saturday - without having talked to them for months, maybe even years. And then in return there are people who know these things about me, because I've chosen to make it public information It's so....wrong. So not the way I want to live. But I can't help it. I'm a victim of the 21st century :)

However, all I can say is that at least I got into all this internt culture "late", i.e. in college. Facebook didn't exist until my sophomore year of college. And I still consider myself to be a part of the Facebook generation. But man, 5-year olds can make Myspace accounts. That's disturbing. And what's more disturbing is how easy it is for adolescents to get addicted to these stupid online communities and make it their second life. And then you get stories like that 13 year old girl killing herself over a completely falsified online boyfriend. Falsified by a friend's mother who was avenging this girl for having beef with her daughter. People are crazy! There are so many things wrong with that scenario: poor parenting, online addiction, etc. I'm a big fan of "knowledge is power," but a part of me wants to hide computers from my children until they are 18.

On another note, my sister mentioned some article about blogging culture in Japan versus Western countries. Apparently in Japan, everyone blogs with the intent to conform, to fit in and prove that their life is equally as mundane and normal as everyone else's. No one will say anything negative at the risk of becoming a pariah. Whereas in the States and Europe and probably Latin America, clearly that is not true. The blog is our virtual soap box/photo album/diary, and we will pontificate until we drop if it means we can garner an attentive audience. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, at least by our standards. It's very interesting how a simple communication tool can really demonstrate fundamental societal differences.

I realize there's nothing too riveting about this post - but I'm horribly bored at work and it was an interesting topic. Now I shall dismount my soap box :)

Scrubs - My Musical - finale

2007-11-26T20:01:00.000-08:00

I love Scrubs. 'Nuff said. It sucks the sound is a little off, but you get the gist. The premise of this episode is that this woman (actor Stephanie D'Abruzzo...from Avenue Q on Broadway?) hears singing all around her - a result of a giant brain aneurysm that had to be operated on immediately. Although fictitious, I like the familial/humanist vibe that this show offers. Plus it's just so very clever! I know my life as a future doctor won't be nearly as peachy keen...but I'd like to think that I won't be too jaded to break into showtunes once in awhile!

Oh, and for those of you nerds like me who were curious about the medical lingo in the song:

We're as close as --The vena cava and the aorta!
We're best friends just like --Amoxicillin and clavulanic acid!
The tibia, the fibula! The left and right ventricle!
A hypodermic needle and a latex tourniquet!
Diverticulitis and a barium enema!

Things to get off my chest

2007-11-19T19:53:00.000-08:00

So yeah, I really hate venting about myself, but sometimes it feels so damn good, and this way, I don't have to bug anyone close to me about it. So read at your own discretion.

It's been a pretty tough year and a half for me. Obviously nothing compared the atrocities that happen to people on a daily basis, or having a life of "hard knocks." I'm comfortable, my life is stable, and I have a supportive family network. No doubt that I keep that in perspective.

But do you ever wonder why your body might respond better to an amputated leg than a paper cut? Your psychologically and physically go into overdrive for huge traumas...but the little ones usually don't trigger enough of a response and just continue to nag you until one day you're like DAMMIT go away...something to that effect. Basically, I have learned a ton about myself and about other people and I feel a responsibility to impart what little wisdome I've acquired to my invisible public.

For example: I'm not a huge "loyalty" person. I don't believe in the wolf-pack mentality. We were born to think with our heads and not to just go with the majority. Every person has a right to judge for themselves what is right and wrong about others, and how they want to behave. But if you're going to talk shit about someone I don't like to me, don't let me catch you being friendly with them later like you didn't just badmouth them. That's just hypocritical and superficial (saying whatever to anyone so they will like you) and it reflects worse on you than on the person I originally had issues with. It's even worse if I didn't even provoke the badmouthing when I probably had plenty of reason to. Moral of the rant? If you know you want to maintain an even artificially friendly relationship with someone, it's better just to say nothing bad at all. It's not about loyalty. It's about sincerity, to others and more importantly, to yourself.

But somehow that reasoning gets me in trouble. Despite neither joining a wolf pack nor trying to appease everyone, I still managed to make enemies and threaten others and get caught in the crossfire. Or maybe be a source of the crossfire. And I'm not saying I'm a saint, because I'm far from it. But I can't help but wonder what exactly it is I do to drive people away. For one thing, I seem to be a source of constant power struggles. I've always believed in the democratic approach and I usually defer to the majority...but just about every time I've had to make a major decision, someone comes under me and changes it up, making me look like a fool when I'm the last to find out. What's that about? Am I really that unapproachable that people can't just talk to me? Do people just want to be in charge and "can't seem to get rid of Jess the pest?" Or was my ultimate decision so horrible that it has to be completely changed so as to confuse everyone? I could chalk it up to bad luck I guess, bad timing, people wanting things done drastically differently than I...or maybe it's that I'm defensive and take things personally. Guilty as charged. But it's a little hard not to, when it happens constantly. Just rhetorical questions to no one in particular.

Anyway, so those are my dilemmas of the moment. But otherwise I'm perfectly happy. I'm in a good place in my life, and I'll leave it at that. It's just refinement from here on out :)

Happy Thanksgiving! I have much to be thankful for this year in particular.

Dear Architects (An Open Letter)

2007-11-03T13:21:00.000-07:00

For personal reasons, I find this article hilarious. I look forward to writing one about doctors in the future, because I'm sure I will fall into the category of obsessed professionals who are married to their jobs and are incapable of thinking or talking about anything else...

...but at least I'll be able to admit it and accept it when my friends will inevitably make fun of me. And then I'll give them free prescriptions for narcotics and antibiotics and they will love me again :)

Annie Choi is a fantastic writer. I wonder if she's done any other stuff like this..

"Once, a long time ago in the days of yore, I had a friend who was studying architecture to become, presumably, an architect.
This friend introduced me to other friends, who were also studying architecture. Then these friends had other friends who were architects - real architects doing real architecture like designing luxury condos that look a lot like glass dildos. And these real architects knew other real architects and now the only people I know are architects. And they all design glass dildos that I will never work or live in and serve only to obstruct my view of New Jersey.

Do not get me wrong, architects. I like you as a person. I think you are nice, smell good most of the time, and I like your glasses. You have crazy hair, and if you are lucky, most of it is on your head. But I do not care about architecture. It is true. This is what I do care about:

* burritos
* hedgehogs
* coffee

As you can see, architecture is not on the list. I believe that architecture falls somewhere between toenail fungus and invasive colonoscopy in the list of things that interest me.

Perhaps if you didn’t talk about it so much, I would be more interested. When you point to a glass cylinder and say proudly, hey my office designed that, I giggle and say it looks like a bong. You turn your head in disgust and shame. You think, obviously she does not understand. What does she know? She is just a writer. She is no architect. She respects vowels, not glass cocks. And then you say now I am designing a lifestyle center, and I ask what is that, and you say it is a place that offers goods and services and retail opportunities and I say you mean like a mall and you say no. It is a lifestyle center. I say it sounds like a mall. I am from the Valley, bitch. I know malls.

Architects, I will not lie, you confuse me. You work sixty, eighty hours a week and yet you are always poor. Why aren’t you buying me a drink? Where is your bounty of riches? Maybe you spent it on merlot. Maybe you spent it on hookers and blow. I cannot be sure. It is a mystery. I will leave that to the scientists to figure out.

Architects love to discuss how much sleep they have gotten. One will say how he was at the studio until five in the morning, only to return again two hours later. Then another will say, oh that is nothing. I haven’t slept in a week. And then another will say, guess what, I have never slept ever. My dear architects, the measure of how hard you’ve worked and how much you’ve accomplished is not related to the number of hours you have not slept. Have you heard of Rem Koolhaas? He is a famous architect. I know this because you tell me he is a famous architect. I hear that Rem Koolhaas is always sleeping. He is, I presume, sleeping right now. And I hear he gets shit done. And I also hear that in a stunning move, he is making a building that looks not like a glass cock, but like a concrete vagina. When you sleep more, you get vagina. You can all take a lesson from Rem Koolhaas.

Life is hard for me, please understand. Architects are an important part of my existence. They call me at eleven at night and say they just got off work, am I hungry? Listen, it is practically midnight. I ate hours ago. So long ago that, in fact, I am hungry again. So yes, I will go. Then I will go and there will be other architects talking about AutoCAD shortcuts and something about electric panels and can you believe that is all I did today, what a drag. I look around the table at the poor, tired, and hungry, and think to myself, I have but only one bullet left in the gun. Who will I choose?

I have a friend who is a doctor. He gives me drugs. I enjoy them. I have a friend who is a lawyer. He helped me sue my landlord. My architect friends have given me nothing. No drugs, no medical advice, and they don’t know how to spell subpoena. One architect friend figured out that my apartment was one hundred and eighty seven square feet. That was nice. Thanks for that.

I suppose one could ask what someone like me brings to architects like yourselves. I bring cheer. I yell at architects when they start talking about architecture. I force them to discuss far more interesting topics, like turkey eggs. Why do we eat chicken eggs, but not turkey eggs? They are bigger. And people really like turkey. See? I am not afraid to ask the tough questions.

So, dear architects, I will stick around, for only a little while. I hope that one day some of you will become doctors and lawyers or will figure out my taxes. And we will laugh at the days when you spent the entire evening talking about some European you’ve never met who designed a building you will never see because you are too busy working on something that will never get built. But even if that day doesn’t arrive, give me a call anyway, I am free.

Yours truly,
Annie Choi"

Nada Surf to put out 5th album

2007-10-23T18:56:00.000-07:00

It's always really cool when bands I like collaborate/actually listen to each other. One time Nada Surf cited "Singing in my sleep" by Semisonic as one of their favorite songs, which is one of mine as well...and now Nada Surf is collaborating with Death Cab...also a good combination! I'm stoked for the new album but I'm sad it's not coming out until February, which will be after I see them in November. Still, they tend to frequent the area a lot, will probably be back in the spring to promote their new disc.

It's hard to believe I've pretty much grown up with Nada Surf. Started listening to them when I was 16. Not that I'm much older, but as my music taste has evolved through the years, Nada Surf's stayed with me and always kept me smiling. Not to mention I partied with them in Spain. That was quite memorable..

Press release from their official website
US TOUR TO BEGIN OCTOBER 13

2008 DATES ANNOUNCED

Beloved New York-based band Nada Surf will be releasing their new record, “LUCKY,” on February 5th, 2008 on Barsuk Records, and will be offering fans the opportunity to hear the track "See These Bones" at www.myspace.com/nadasurf starting today.

“LUCKY” is Nada Surf’s fifth record and third for Seattle indie Barsuk Records, following the successful and critically lauded “Let Go” (2003) and “The Weight is a Gift” (2005). The band lineup for almost 12 years has been and still is Matthew Caws (vocals, guitar), Daniel Lorca (bass) and Ira Elliot (drums). The record is filled with songs of restlessness, longing and the elusiveness of love. Yet, in its inimitable way, the band beautifully counterbalances its signature lyrical wistfulness with its singular musical buoyancy. Intimate tunes become we’re-all-in-this-together anthems, thanks to the chiming guitars, propulsive beat, and the ever-present yearning in Caws' voice.

“I tend to be pretty hopeful about things further in the future, but full of anxiety about the next eight hours,” jokes Caws. “Unlike my friend John Flansburgh from They Might Be Giants, who says he's manic depressive without the depression, I think I'm manic depressive without the mania. Yet I'm ready to be cheerful at the drop of a reason. I’m always looking for rapture in music.”

“LUCKY” was co-produced by the band and John Goodmanson (Death Cab For Cutie, Blonde Redhead, Sleater-Kinney). It was recorded in Seattle at Robert Lang Studios where artists like Nirvana, Death Cab for Cutie, Foo Fighters and Dave Matthews, among many others have worked in the past.

Many great artists make guest appearances on the record, including:
Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard, Ed Harcourt, John Roderick of the Long Winters, and guitarist Phil Wandscher of Jesse Sykes & the Sweet Hereafter. To help announce the coming of the new record, Nada Surf is about to embark on a national headlining tour. The dates begin October 13 in Philadelphia and end November 2 in Baltimore. Sea Wolf will be supporting.

Critical acclaim has followed Nada Surf through their career. Most recently, “MOJO” called “The Weight is a Gift” a “21st century pop masterpiece,” while “Esquire” said their “poignant anthems” are “full of airtight melodies and huge twists.” “Rolling Stone,” weighed in, saying:
“The band’s tunes achieve a kind of sleight-of-hand majesty,” while “Alternative Press” exclaimed the record is “nearly flawless.”
“Entertainment Weekly” called it “astoundingly good,” and “USA Today”
said Caws’ lyrics “have both mystery and a universal touch.”

Se, Jie

2007-10-12T22:12:00.000-07:00

I just saw Ang Lee's most recent movie "Se, Jie" (Lust, Caution). It is a fascinating story with beautiful cinematography and an awesome score. It stars Tony Leung, who is undoubtedly one of the sexiest Asian actors alive. I should mention, however, that it's rated NC-17 and for good reason. If you have a weak stomach for very explicit sex scenes, this movie is NOT for you. Unfortunately, even with the great cast and compelling plot, the movie disappoints. I'm too tired to write a detailed review about it, and this one sums it up very nicely:

"Like most of Lee's films ("Brokeback Mountain," "Sense and Sensibility," "The Ice Storm"), "Lust, Caution" is impeccably crafted: Rodrigo Prieto's lovely cinematography, Alexandre Desplat's tastefully romantic score, and the gorgeous costumes and decor all delight. But there's a chilliness to the enterprise, and a remoteness, and all the sweaty intensity of the sex scenes can't heat it up or bring us closer to these characters. The film is never less than beautiful, but it's never truly absorbing." -- Shawn Levy

Thriller -The Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehab Center

2007-10-10T20:39:00.001-07:00

Real prisoners doing Michael Jackson's Thriller. No joke.

Military juntas at their most despotic moment...or are they?

2007-10-07T21:24:00.000-07:00

From U.S. News and World Report

A Bold Call for Democracy. A Reply in Bullets
By Kevin Whitelaw
Posted September 29, 2007

It was being called the Saffron Revolution. Smuggled images of Buddhist monks thronging the streets of ancient Yangon opened a rare, but brief, window into one of the world's more backward and cruel regimes.

For nine days, the world watched as monks in saffron-colored robes led ever growing crowds on marches challenging the military junta that rules Myanmar (known more traditionally as Burma). Thousands were shaking off two decades of fear to join the monks. Myanmar's generals appeared caught off guard and even more unaware of the power of the Internet. Unlike past protests, this one played out very publicly, as photographs, video, and accounts of the protests—and the inevitable repression—blanketed cyberspace and the airwaves.

On the 10th day, the crowds were even larger. But this time, the monks were largely—and eerily—absent. Overnight, the junta's security forces had raided many monasteries, beating and dragging away untold numbers of monks. The generals had returned to their favorite playbook, greeting marchers with batons, tear gas, and bullets.

By Thursday afternoon, the streets of Yangon were littered with blood-spattered sandals left behind by fleeing protesters. At least 10 people were killed, with rumors of many more. The junta was still treading rather carefully with the monks, who have come to embody the nation's conscience. The monks already provide many of the social services that the generals have decided are beneath them—including AIDS clinics, orphanages, and schools.

If history is any guide, it will get even worse for any Burmese who continue to protest. During the last sustained anti-junta protests in 1988, several thousand were killed. And the government's belated move to cut off Internet access and confiscate mobile phones presages greater violence.

With most of the world offering no more than rhetorical condemnation and symbolic sanctions, it appears that the newfound courage of the Burmese people will be rewarded only by bloodshed. In today's Myanmar, happy endings are rare indeed.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
It is so true, that most people, while completely appalled, shocked, and saddened at the events occurring in Burma, just sit on their asses and mentally/verbally advocate our (dis)belief (like I'm doing right now, I'm well aware). And I am completely and utterly disgusted that power-hungry people with lots of weapons manage to treat other human beings this way, particularly Buddhist monks. My father was once imprisoned as a Buddhist student in Vietnam. This could have happened to him, or anyone who has tried to speak out against a repressive authority.

Sadly, this is not the first time that a military junta has taken over a country and massacred a population. Look at the Dirty Wars in Argentina. Or Pol Pot in Cambodia. Or ethnic cleansing in Darfur. This is not a new phenomenon. As the article states, it's not even a new event in Burma. The democratically elected president has been under house arrest for 11 years, and previous protests in Burma ended just as violently. It's just that thanks to Youtube, Facebook, and Google, we are just made aware of it rather instantaneously.

Anyway, despite history unabashedly repeating itself, I refuse to get disillusioned with the world, and I refuse to be apathetic. I believe in karma, and I guess you could say that's why I've decided to go into medicine. For every person that has died brutally and unnecessarily, I will hopefully improve or save a life. Obviously I wouldn't be able to stop military madmen with rational thought, compassion, and a stethoscope. But I could perhaps contribute to a community to provide health care and help instill ideals of compassion, personal liberty, etc. etc.

I guess my point is, ok, maybe all we can do with respect to an actual event like this is mourn for the dead and pray that the problem will get resolved peacefully. But it also pays to look at the way you personally treat people and the way you live your own life. Are you as aware of your own surroundings as you could be? Are you doing the most you can to help out your immediate environment? I think it's actually a trickle-up effect, where democracy and peace must start at the civilian level. And more importantly, we can't have so much amnesia that as soon as the rush of media is gone, we forget and move on. Never forget Las guerras sucias...never forget Pol Pot...never forget Darfur. History inevitably creeps up on us, and if we continue forgetting the past, every time it happens again, we've taken a few steps backward and have to start over with the peace-building process.

Don't mourn for these deaths because they are shocking. Mourn because they are not. Not even remotely.

VSA Officer Intro 2007

2007-10-01T20:45:00.001-07:00

I am very proud to say I played a part in creating this group :) Aren't they adorably awesome? Props to Kin for the video filming and editing!

St. Elmo's Fire (1985) - Love Theme music video

2007-09-30T18:06:00.001-07:00

I watched this with my sister my senior year of college. It's a pretty appropriate coming-of-age movie. This song is so wonderfully 80s, but I love it anyway. Not to mention, the movie is shot at Maryland because Georgetown's campus is not nearly as awesome :) Go Terps!

In the era of Windows 98 and when AOL was somewhat respected

2007-09-21T21:33:00.000-07:00

Let's just say that between all the recent deaths in my high school graduating class, reconnecting with old friends, and finally having a few moments to myself, I have been extremely nostalgic recently. And coincidentally, my dad wants to give his old computer away, and I came across my old email filing cabinet while sifting through the hard drive. It was like discovering a dusty album under your bed. Talk about a trip down memory lane.

Lo and behold: emails since *gasp* 1999!

I can give you a summary of what I had saved in that filing cabinet:

1)I met an awesome chick in high school, where we exchanged many angsty emails over the summer ranting about people at school, our parents, life in general, and her ultimate move to Spain. She had her problems back then, but she was able to trust me and confide in me about the most intimate things. We continued to keep in touch, and sometimes she would write that she really missed me. I missed her a lot too. We have come a long way since that summer.

2)I was just getting into music, and was involved with various listservs. For example, I used to be a ridiculously obsessed with the Goo Goo Dolls, and must have deleted some 50 emails containing interview transcripts, concert anecdotes, and other random interactions with fellow Goo fans. It's a shame they suck now.

I also loved The Replacements ever since my favorite high school English teacher introduced me to them. "The 'Mats" as they were abbreviated. The dude who headed up the 'Mats listserv used to organize a "tape/CD trade" every Christmas. If you signed up for it, you had to made a mix CD for someone random on the listserv, and they reciprocated. It was a really cheap and thoughtful way to find random music. One year I did it, I got 2 Replacements CDs, which was awesome. And the other year, the person I was paired with totally snubbed me and didn't sent me anything. I'm still waiting, you asshole! Haha.

Speaking of the Replacements, they had some great songs as well: Left of the Dial, Can't Hardly Wait, Birthday Girl...Paul Westerberg did some solo stuff too but I can't remember titles right now. Another group I gotta pull out of the vault.

3)Forwards were such a big deal. So many funny jokes, bumper stickers, silly surveys, whatever amused us at the moment. I don't really get many forwards anymore, thankfully...I don't think I'd ever leave the computer

4)Boys, boys, boys...so many of them at the time :-P In that filing cabinet I found emails from 3 boys I've kissed, 2 boys who officially asked me out, and 1 who I am still involved with now!

Everything in that filing cabinet will be deleted tomorrow since I'll be too lazy to wake up and figure out how to print and archive it before my dad takes the computer to my uncle, who will delete it permanently.

One side of me wants to save and print everything out, to savor every moment like that tourist who takes a million pictures of the damn landmark from 50 different angles. I want 50 different angles of my life to reflect upon. Plus, like my parents, I am a packrat and I feel like I'm being gutted whenever I have to dispose of anything.

But another part of me sees those emails as conversations: passing dialogues that we all naturally forget about with time. The more practical (and physically exhausted) side of me is saying....Jess, get some sleep and lay those memories to rest. You have lots more time to accumulate even more memories, and hopefully this time they will be significant enough that you won't wait 8 years to look back at them.

Regina Spektor - Real Love (Lennon cover live at Ram's Head)

2007-09-20T20:23:00.001-07:00

I just saw Regina again last night at Rams Head in Baltimore. Last time I saw her at 9:30 Club with a band and she was on keyboard. This time she was solo with a grand piano. Both concerts were awesome and different, but this time I knew her songs a lot better. Her rendition of "Us," "Field Below," and the John Lennon cover "Real Love" moved me to tears. Plus her acoustic "Hotel Song" duet with Only Son beatboxing was impressive (see below).

I can't tell you how many hours I've spent in the car over the past year listening to the Regina mix CD I made. Andy's listened to it so many times he'd internalized the songs to the point where he couldn't tell them apart until a few seconds into the song. I'm so happy to have discovered her at her creative peak.

Regina Spektor - Field Below (live at Ram's Head)

2007-09-20T20:19:00.001-07:00

This is the actual concert I was at. Sorry for all the Regina posts, but this is my blog and I shall do what I please :)

Regina Spektor - Hotel Song ( Live Melbourne ) with Only Son

2007-09-20T20:15:00.001-07:00

The Office - Pavolovian Experiment

2007-09-15T16:47:00.001-07:00

Amazing.

Worst American movies of Summer 2007

2007-09-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of the Washington Post: Critics Everywhere Agree: These Were the Stinkers of Summer

If I were an angrier, snobbier, and more eloquent person, I would have absolutely written movie reviews for a living.

It is true, this past summer was full of shitty movies...especially sequels and trequels!

Anyway, I thought this article was hilarious, relaying the top 10 worst movies of the summer according to Rotten Tomatoes. I especially liked one critic's description of some bad Lindsay Lohan horror flick as "torture porn." I mean really, that IS the epitome of what those stupid teen slasher movies entail.

Or how about on the movie B.R.A.T.Z: "This movie is SO BAD! I can't believe I just spent an hour and a half of my life, like, watching it, when I could have been totally trying on hairbands instead!"

What's funnier, that the movie was so bad or that some 50-year-old male film critic was trying to emulate the personality of a teenybopper? "Trying on hairbands" ?? What the hell does that even mean?

In other news, I am officially on Netflix. Let the sedentary movie-addict lifestyle begin!

Katie

2007-08-29T16:15:00.000-07:00

Though I don't like to wax personal on public space, I admit: these last few weeks have been turbulent. A lot of terrible news, and a lot of great news. My life is pulling together in a big way, and it's awesome and terrifying at the same time.

Katie -- without you, I would have never sang, not have dared try out for Choir or Chambers or All-State. But you believed in me and encouraged me, and somehow they saw the same things you did. I am so grateful to you for making music a big part of my high school career. I'm sorry we lost touch over the years, but it happens right? I know we weren't even super-close in high school...but hey, like many I admired you from a distance. Not just because you were a talented singer, actress, dancer, performer extraordinaire. But you just had it TOGETHER. Everyone loved you. You were great at what you did, but you weren't an asshole about it, and what's more - you inspired people. And for being an actor, I never EVER heard people say you were stuck-up or bitchy or overdramatic. THAT, my friend, takes talent.

And then just looking at your pictures from Facebook, I could tell you lived your college years to their utmost potential. I'm so happy you did.

Well, I don't have too much to say - I didn't have countless inside jokes or childhood memories with ya, not any that I can recall right now. But just know that despite our distance, I still miss you and miss the idea of being able to run into you in Bethesda someday. And you've taught me so much about my own mortality and vulnerability.

So thank you for the memories. Rest in peace, kiddo.

*In my heart's sequestered chambers lie truths stripped of poet's gloss
words alone are vain and vacant, and my heart is mute.
In response to aging silence, memory summons half-heard voices
And my soul finds primal eloquence and wraps me in song, wraps me in song.

If you would comfort me, sing me a lullaby
If you would win my heart, sing me a love song
If you would mourn me and bring me to God, sing me a requiem,
sing me to heaven

Touch in me all love and passion, pain and pleasure
touch in me grief and comfort, love and passion, pain and pleasure...
love me, comfort me, bring me to God,
sing me a love song, sing me to heaven...*

Miss Teen USA 2007 - South Carolina

2007-08-27T23:06:00.001-07:00

This is an unfortunate occurrence. "Everywhere like such as?"

Cake- Frank Sinatra

2007-08-26T23:49:00.001-07:00

This is an honorable mention for my Life soundtrack. I can't believe I forgot to put Cake...they're so wonderfully original and ...West Coast. I think I tend to gravitate more toward New York musicians...but Cake has a different spirit. I wonder what happened to them...

Other worthy mentions:
No Doubt - Different People
Rolling Stones - Wild Horses
Ella Fitzgerald - I've got a
crush on you
Mozart - A Little Night Music
George Gershwin - They can't take that away from me
Foo Fighters - Times like these

My Life: The Soundtrack

2007-08-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

This was an interesting and fun little exercise...what music matters most to me? What songs best describe certain landmark moments? This list took me forever because I had to cut so many songs and try really hard not to repeat artists, because as much as I wanted to include multiple songs from certain bands - Nada Surf, for example - I wanted to best represent the array of music that I listen to. I'd say compared to some people, the list of artists I listen to regularly is small. Some of these songs I haven't listened to in years, but they were a big part of my life at some point and were worth including. So here it is, my life as a soundtrack! Try it for yourself and see what you come up with!

My Life: The Soundtrack

Opening credits: The New Year – Death Cab for Cutie
Waking up: Little Plastic Castle – Ani Difranco
Average day: Hand in my Pocket – Alanis Morissette
First date: That Sunday, That Summer – Nat King Cole
Falling in love: Such Great Heights - Postal Service
Love scene: Let Go - Frou Frou
Fight scene: Paper Boats – Nada Surf
Breaking up: Ojala – Silvio Rodriguez
Getting back together: I Believe – Stevie Wonder
Secret love: Tan tranquila – Pauline en la Playa
Life's okay: Change Your Mind – The Killers
Mental breakdown: Window - Fiona Apple
Driving: Sideral - Macaco
Learning a lesson: Ghost of Corporate Future – Regina Spektor
Deep thought: Comptine d'un autre été - Yann Tiersen (from Amelie)
Flashback: Name – Goo Goo Dolls
Partying: Legalize it – Sean Paul
Happy dance: Mushaboom - Feist
Regretting: Wise Up – Aimee Mann
Long night alone: Gone to the Movies - Semisonic
Death scene: Lullaby – Billy Joel
Closing credits: New World - Bjork

RENT - La Vie Boheme

2007-08-24T09:44:00.001-07:00

The opposite of war isn't peace; it's creation.

RENT - The Tango Maureen

2007-08-24T07:07:00.001-07:00

I could post every song from this musical, really. I'm so sad I missed it when it was on the stage, but I have a feeling it will be revived someday. The original cast is phenomenal though, from what I hear on the soundtrack. And people who've seen the stage production probably hate on the movie, but I thought it was pretty good and true to the original, considering it had most of the original cast. Plus I love Rosario Dawson and Jesse L. Martin is damn sexy.

M.I.A. - World Town

2007-08-21T19:39:00.001-07:00

More M.I.A. Get out of your chair and DANCE

M.I.A. - Paper Planes

2007-08-21T19:38:00.001-07:00

I just came across this Sri Lankan/British rapper...she's nothing like I've ever heard. It's crazy that she's been censored by MTV because of her "politicized" lyrics...yet all the smut on MTV is approved. I don't understand the media.

This song samples "Straight to Hell" by The Clash...also a good song that I'd never heard before. I'm ashamed to call myself a Clash fan!

Feist - Brandy Alexander

2007-07-11T05:58:00.001-07:00

This song is hypnotizing. Plus I totally appreciate the fact that she plays a NYLON-stringed acoustic...

Can I just reiterate how pissed I am that I missed her in concert not once, but TWICE...at the Black Cat and 9:30 club. I need to stay more up to date on good music! >:o

Trivia: What's in a Brandy Alexander? (From Wikipedia of course). Anyone know what a "jigger" is?

* 1 1/2 oz Brandy
* 1 oz Dark Creme de Cacao
* 1 oz Half-and-half or Heavy cream
* 1/4 tsp grated Nutmeg

Mixing instructions:

In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the brandy, creme de cacao, and half-and-half. Shake well. Strain into a cocktail glass and garnish with the nutmeg.

Alternate recipe

Ingredients:

* 2 jiggers dark creme de cocoa
* 1 jigger brandy
* 1 pt. vanilla ice cream
* 1 c. crushed ice

Feist - Mushaboom

2007-07-08T13:06:00.001-07:00

This song and video make me smile :) There is another video for the album version of the song, which is better musically. But this video is so darn cute.

Helping the kids out of their coats
But wait the babies haven't been born oh oh oh
Unpacking the bags and setting up
And planting lilacs and buttercups oh oh oh

But in the meantime I've got it hard
Second floor living without a yard
It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

Old dirt road (mushaboom)
Knee deep snow (mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow (mushaboom)
Old

I got a man to stick it out
And make a home from a rented house oh oh oh
And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done oh oh oh

How many acres how much light
Tucked in the woods and out of sight
Talk to the neighbours and tip my cap
On a little road barely on the map

Old dirt road (mushaboom)
Knee deep snow (mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow (mushaboom)
Old

Old dirt road
Rambling rose (mushaboom)
Watching the fire as we grow (mushaboom)
Well I'm sold ...

Ani DiFranco - Wish I may

2007-07-02T13:48:00.001-07:00

I rediscovered this song on an old mix CD a friend made for me in high school. Used to be one of my favorites. Ani is amazing and so talented. I'm not an avid listener, but no doubt she's a lyrical and musical genius.

Wish I may

I'm losing my love of adventure
I'm losing all respect
For me and myself tonight
I wonder what happens if I get to
The end of this tunnel
And there isn't a light
I've worn down the treads
On all of my tires
I've worn through the elbows
And the knees of my clothing
And I'm stumbling down
The gravel driveway of desire
Trying not to wake up
My sleepy self-loathing

Do you ever have that dream
When you open your mouth
And you try to scream
But you can't make a sound
That's everyday starting now
That's everyday starting now

Don't tell me it's gonna be alright
You can't sell me on your optimism tonight
It's a stiff competition
To see who can stay up later
The stars or the street lights
And all they really want
Is to be alone with the darkness
No more wish I may
No more wish I might

It takes a stiff upper lip
Just to hold up my face
I gotta suck it up and savor
The taste of my own behavior
I am spinning with longing
Faster then a roulette wheel
This is not who I meant to be
This is not how I meant to feel

I don't think I am strong enough
To do this much longer
God, I wish I was stronger
This song could never be long enough
To express every longing
God, I wish it was longer...

Foamy - Foamy's rant IV

2007-06-25T12:07:00.001-07:00

I had to post this one too...Nuria this is for you, particularly the part about film critics ;-)

Foamy - Foamy's rant

2007-06-25T12:02:00.001-07:00

The original rant by Foamy. See also rants 2-5, and Dating Advice. You won't regret it.

Warning: he's a potty mouth. Don't show this to your kids, unless you want them to enjoy Kevin Smith movies in the future.

10 Items or Less

2007-06-15T10:34:00.000-07:00

I just watched this movie last night with Courtney and Pam. Most people would probably label it as an overly minimalist movie with lofty intentions. Not to mention utterly impossible.

But I personally thought it was clever without being pretentious and sweet without being saccharine.

Basic premise: Morgan Freeman plays himself as a washed up actor who hasn't had work for years. He gets a ride to the Latino side of L.A. and winds up on some busted supermarket where one cashier is banging the manager that never comes to work, and the stand-in manager is a loopy old Latino man who moves at snail's pace. Anyway, he meets Scarlet (Paz Vega), who is this snarky, restless cashier in the 10 items express lane and they strike up a friendship. It all unfolds from there. I'll tell you now, the movie ain't plot heavy. It's one of those movies that wouldn't be any good unless some high-profile Hollywood actor were behind it. And who's got more clout than Morgan Freeman?

Anyway, it's wonderfully quirky and I recommend it. Paz Vega and Morgan Freeman have really fun, unexpected chemistry. I tend to be pretty optimistic about most things...food, music, movies, etc. But I think if you're in a philosophical mood and a little down on your present state of affairs, this movie's a good up-lifter. It'll at least make you chuckle.

Cool trivia: It was shot in 15 days. Talk about minimalist!

She's back...

2007-06-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

non sequitur; "it does not follow."

non-sequitur is defined as a statement that does not follow logically from what preceded it. Barring the awesome pun that is attached to my name because I have a soft spot for puns, I'd say non sequitur is the story of my life right now. A life with no relevance to the previous stage of my life.

It is - a rather optimistic interpretation of the phrase - a new beginning?

I'm a recent college graduate, hence the clever heading of this blog. I hope to remove "traumatic" from it in just a matter of years, but who's counting?

I kid, I kid...for those of you that know me personally, I'm a very happy camper most of the time. I'd say that right now I'm just going through a rather unstable phase in my life where I don't exactly know what I want to do.

Yes, I am applying to med school. No, I don't know where I want to go. No, I don't know what specialty. Primarily because I don't know if I will get in this time around, or even if once accepted, that I'll really want to go. Bottom line is, that stage has not arrived yet and I'm firstly focusing on showing the MCAT no mercy in July. After that, the decisions will come a' knocking.

But anyway, the point of this blog was not to tell you about every nitty gritty thought in my head, but more for artistic license. Simply put: I'm a closet artist. I love black and white photography, I love songwriting, singing, playing guitar, and I like creative writing. Unfortunately, once I got to college, I drowned in schoolwork, social networking, and $2 rails at the Fe. Not to say I had any issue with having a good time in college, no no, but come on, artists are supposed to be pretentious, sitting in cafes pontificating, smoking, and being pissed off! That's where the creativity flows! (Please tell me know you I'm joking..)

So yeah. Point of this blog. Right. I'll be posting original black and white photography as it accumulates and actually gets developed, writing, music as I record it, whateva. I'm a college grad. For now, I've got lots of time and no money. Which means, I can get CREATIVE! :) And to go back to the very title of this blog, consider everything you see here probably the most irrelevant, brief moments in my professional and social life -- which, invariably, make them the most valuable and worth documenting.

Jess out.